Every man is guilty of all the good he didn’t do.
We have a tendency to feel badly about doing too much or not doing enough. I wish my mind could be at ease, but I am not a relaxed person. But, my discomfort keeps me going—that’s the benefit.
♥ As a working mom, I often ponder if I am around enough.
♥ I worry if my kid is happy.
♥ I stress about doing a good job at work and performing to my highest expectations and potential.
♥ I get annoyed when I have typos in my work.
♥ I know I should sleep more.
♥ I probably could eat better.
♥ I want to be able to have the means and health to do everything we want in life.
♥ I can’t rest until the kitchen is clean and the house is picked up (I hate waking up to a mess).
♥ I know that I am not working out with the regularity I would like.
♥ I beat myself up when I am not listening as intently as I should.
♥ I hope that I am a good mother, wife, daughter, sister, friend and colleague.
♥ I stress about doing and saying all of the right things.
♥ I work on being more patient and compassionate.
♥ I remind myself not to take things to heart or too seriously.
♥ I promise myself tomorrow is a new day and I can do better.
Perhaps you can relate to some (or all) of this. Every one of us has things that weigh on our minds. Life is hard and complicated for us albeit in different ways. We are stretched in many directions with work, home life, family, friends, extracurricular activities, health issues, aging parents and many more commitments not listed here.
So, how do we go on and not feel guilt and bogged down? There are no quick and easy answers. All I know is that it’s a process—a constant ebb and flow with some days being better than others. We get encouraged and discouraged perhaps in the same day or even hour. But, we must carry on.
I don’t know that I will ever be at ease and satisfied. I don’t know that I fully want to be because in the end it makes me better. I do know that I am reflective, imperfect and a work in progress. Overthinking and over analyzing to ensure everyone feels good is exhausting but also gives me purpose. My mom is the same unrelaxed spirit, worrying about everyone else all the time. She can’t sit still (unless she is sleeping). Me neither. And like her, when the time comes, I can sleep like a champ!
This outpouring is just that. Perhaps you will see this and know that someone else can relate. Maybe you will see this and find that you are much better than I describe. But, despite it all, I remain content with who I am and what I have, all the while striving to do more.
Not every post will have an answer. Sometimes, the writing is just an outpouring and cathartic exercise to express that we all have “stuff” that we worry about and bothers us. It’s up to us on how we respond and choose to show up. Even with the guilt and stress, I am happy because that’s who I choose to be. Positively happy. You can be, too, if you allow the guilt to morph into guilty pleasures from time to time.
“Maybe there’s more we all could have done, but we just have to let the guilt remind us to do better next time.”
—Veronica Roth, Divergent